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| Judah at 2 weeks old |
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| Lizzie at 3 months |
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| Lizzie just turned 2! |
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| Judah at 5 months old |
I met my husband, Jason, right before my senior year of college. Now, I was one of those girls that was going to get married right out of college. The problem was, I had no prospects, and, honestly, no interest come the summer before my senior year. After previous tumultuous relationships that did not bring out the best in me, I decided to take a break from dating for a year and focus on friends and school. I had no friends, see, when I decided to break from dating because I dated. I missed out on girlfriends, sacrificing them for a boyfriend. Ugh. Big mistake. And I learned, luckily, in my sophomore year what a mistake that was. So, I said no more dating for me for a year. I actually got to know (and like) my roommate, Lauren, instead of being consumed with a dead-end relationship. She became my best friend and was and is closer to my heart than a sister. After a year with no guys, I swore them off for another year. My grades were better. My friendships were stronger, and I enjoyed an intimate relationship with my Jesus that I had not experienced to that point. I often wandered into the woods at Berry College (and there are LOTS) to sings praises to Him and talk to Him. Oh, what a sweet time! God was preparing me for Jason, though I didn't know it. He was refining me. Putting me through the fire to prepare me for life as a pastor's wife, and I was ENJOYING it because He was walking with me. I mean, literally. I could feel Him in everything I did. Can I just take a moment to say, if your focus is on finding the right guy and not on closeness with the only perfect man, you are going to be sorely disappointed when God does bring the 'right' man into your life. Which, when you say 'yes' to a man, he becomes the right man for you. Warts and all. Because God takes marriage that seriously. Anyway, I went to North Carolina to visit my grandparents before heading back to my senior year of college. My grandparents always wrangled me into singing for their Sunday School class when I visited. I was a music major in college. I sang/lead the class in singing "It is Well" that morning. I didn't know it, but Jason's dad was in the hallway listening. His dad was the class teacher. After class, he asked me some questions followed by, "I have a son...". My grandfather got me to agree to a blind date with Jason. His dad told me he would call me later Sunday afternoon to set up a time and day. I didn't hear from him Sunday. I heard from him Monday. He'd left a message for me while I was out to eat with my grandparents. I have to admit, I died laughing when I first heard Jason talk. I always said I wanted to marry a man with a sexy accent. Deep fried southern was not what I had in mind. My grandfather encouraged me to look past the accent. "You are hearing the voice of the man you will marry," he assured me. I admit, I was skeptical. Jason asked me out on a Thursday date, then called back to change it to Tuesday 'in case we like each other and decide to go out again this week'.
First Impressions:
Jason was handsome. I thought that much. And he was nice. But he was a pastor. Ugh. Since I was in high school, everyone told me I would marry a pastor. I was the perfect pastor's wife, etc, to which I would recoil in horror. I mean, who in their right mind wants to be a pastor's wife?! It's a buy one get one deal at a church. A PW is expected to dress a certain way, act a certain way, and do a certain amount of church functions all while being under the scrutiny of the entire congregation. Plus, I had known way too many pastor's kids. That's enough to scare a girl permanently away from the church. However, I have learned that I am not called to 'the church', as it were. I am called to God. I am called to obey Him and live in His will, even if it's not my ideal choice. Back to Jason: it was a hot day, and he was dressed in all black. A long-sleeved collared shirt and dress pants. I was in denim capris and a
sweater-vest shirt with a red ribbon in my hair. I still remember that because I cringed at how little-girl I looked compared to this man who was 4 years older, held a master's degree, and had already been in the working world for awhile. I looked a little naive to say the least. We had a good time, regardless, and I kept my eye on him to see some of his character. Good qualities (of which every girl should look for in a potential husband):
1. He kept his eyes on me. There were lots of skimpy clothes walking around. Oh. Did I say clothes? I meant the pieces of meat wearing them. I mean girls. The girls wearing them. The clothes, that is. If you can call those barely concealing pieces of material clothes. Girls, I am aware that it is hot in the south. Unbearably hot. Hey, I had a nice figure, too, but there is such a thing as self-respect and decency. Too many girls show way too much skin. And there were A LOT, but Jason didn't notice. He actually kept his eyes to himself. Wow.
2. He opened the doors for me. Car doors. Restaurant doors. Home door. All doors. It's not weakness on my part. It's strength on his. He respected me as a woman, so he opened the doors. Don't make me get on a soap box about this. It's just important, okay?
3. He was humble. I mean, I had to drag stuff out of him. I was all proud of myself for asking him about his favorite movie because he was asking me all the questions instead of talking about himself. I went expecting to ask questions, but I was answering them instead. Woah.
4. One of the few things he did share about himself was his walk with God. It was important to him to share how God saved him. Look for that, ladies. A godly man is worth a lifetime.
5. He prayed before we ate without hesitating. He was not nervous about praying in front of me. You know what that said? He talked to God often. He knew God better than me, so of course he would not be nervous talking to his Friend in front of a stranger.
6. He spoke fondly of his family. I could tell he loved his family from the beginning. And he does absolutely love his family, as he should.
7. He didn't get physical. At all. No uncomfortable reaching for my hand or trying to eat my ice cream off my spoon (yeah. That happened on a first date.) or even the awkward side-hug. No contact. And why should he? He wouldn't hug a guy he went to eat with, would he? He respected my space and didn't put me in an awkward defensive mindset. I got to be myself.
8. He was polite to my grandparents. Kind and understanding, even. When we got home, he stood and helped my grandmother and me put a puzzle together that we had been working on. So sweet!
9. He made no promises he didn't keep. He didn't get ahead of himself and act like some incredible macho guy who has everything together. He enjoyed our date, but he remained noncommittal. I can appreciate that.
10. He didn't call me right back. You know why? Because he had a lot of work he was doing. I found out very quickly that Jason has an awesome work ethic that I am proud of. Now, I thought I had totally botched the date because he never called me back, but I didn't hold it against him because of number 9. He never promised to call me back.
So, there you go. My little list of things that won my heart. Yeah. My husband is pretty much perfect as far as men go. I am still in love with him, but-more importantly- I RESPECT him more each day, and I tell him that. Not because I am an awesome wife, but it's because God has gotten my attention on this matter. Man, do I ever wish I understood the respect factor back in the dating days. So. Jason dropped me off, left, and I went back to school wondering what I had done to botch the date. It had been awhile since I had dated, so maybe the rules changed in two years? Two months later, I got a random phone call while I was performing in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum". It seems that my strange, secret longings had come to fruition. I had always hoped and dreamed that the man I married would fall in love with me for my voice. You know, like Snow White or Aurora? Plus, when I sing, I feel God. My relationship with Him is displayed for all when I sing. I typically don't like making myself so vulnerable in public, but I can say that I am a sucker for a good musical. That being said, I had made a CD for a birthday present for my grandmother. The CD that was meant for her only was suddenly distributed to her church and found its way to Jason. He heard me sing 'How Beautiful' on the CD and called my grandparents to get my phone number. I got his message during intermission of the musical. He hadn't fallen in love with me, per se, but he did want to get to know each other. Over the next two months, we talked on the phone intermittently. I travelled back to Charlotte for Thanksgiving, and Jason and I went on our second date. I had a no-kiss until the third date rule, but I broke it for Jason since we had technically been phone dating for two months. Plus, I knew during that second date that I wanted to marry him. To make a long story short, we got engaged at the end of January and married in May- less than a year after meeting. When God puts two people prayerfully together, there is no need to go through formalities just to say we dated for a year, then had a long engagement, then got married. Why court temptation? When you know that you are meant to be together, don't wait. Get married. Especially when both families approve, God is smiling on your relationship, and you share a mutual love for Him and each other. We had a beautiful wedding on a picture-perfect day. It was as if God Himself was giving us His personal blessing. Not that rainy days mean anything bad, but I wanted sunshine, and I feel like God answered unspoken prayers that day. Jason was a dashing groom, and he still is my dashing groom. We laugh at newlyweds now because they have so far to go and so much to learn, but we have only been married five years and are being laughed at by those who have been married four times as long. No matter, we are committed to one day being that long married couple. We made a serious covenant before God, and we are more afraid of Him and the consequences of disobedience than we are of confrontation between each other. Don't think we are a perfect couple. Oh, we have argued. I have put thumb tacks on Jason's side of the bed underneath the sheets. (Don't worry. I cooled down, removed them, and repented before he got home. He never knew.) I've seen his eyes glow with fire in his anger, and he has seen me pitch objects across the house. You know what? Anger, frustration, and even falling 'out of love' are normal human feelings. Jason is the kind of man that I know that I know will honor his commitment to me for better or worse. He's a man of integrity. He and I both have admitted to not liking each other from time to time. Hey. We're human. But we are also followers of a Holy God, so we stick it out and remember that God put us together, and we are strengthened in Him. Ruth Graham said it best: to maintain a solid marriage, you need two good forgivers.
Really About Me:
I love music. I have played the flute and piano, though I wish I had stuck longer with both. Because I love music, I am overly critical of musicians. Great music moves the soul. My most recent favorite singer is Sam Robson. Whew, can he sing! I'm a singer. It was my college major. Since instruments were too hard to learn, I took the lazy way out, so to speak. Jason says I am a lot like what we have heard about Ruth Graham. She said she was 'laid back to the point of being lazy'. Jason says that describes me perfectly. Thanks, hubby. I'll take that as a compliment. I learned to cook after marriage. I couldn't cook a thing (Kuhiwa and Lauren can attest to that) when I was in college. I now love cooking and have even become experimental. I enjoy writing. It's a good outlet. Thus, the blog. I often wish I could go back to my college days and date Jason while in college before I had so many health issues and c-sections. I am telling you. Nothing changes a body more than pregnancy followed by a c-section. I try to come across as creative, but I really borrow most of my ideas from other people. I am not really as creative as you think I am. I am a pastor's wife, and I am still trying to adjust to the idea. I am pretty unorthodox, and I don't always live up to expectations, but I love Jesus, and that should be enough. Jason is wonderful, and I will do just about anything for him. We had some hard times in the ministry when we first got married, and that put a bad taste in my mouth and reinforced what I feared most about being a pastor's wife. However, Jason is called to be a pastor, and I am called to be his wife, so we work through the past (note present tense. There are still wounds being healed) and face the future with excitement. God has some great things in store. I have never been a neat and tidy person, but I have gotten better the longer I have been married. Things that are important to Jason have become important to me, and keeping a clean house is one of those things. Except now I am just trying to pick up after two children. So I am not lazy so much as busy now.
I've written so much today that I feel like I should officially stop here. The end.
I've written so much today that I feel like I should officially stop here. The end.
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